reflectionplace

Some people are naturally optimistic, while others have to work a little harder to stay positive. When you suddenly find yourself in a season of grief, however, even the most upbeat person can struggle to find anything positive at all. As I have tried to cope with the loss of my daughter, this is a battle I have fought on a daily basis. Here are a few ideas that may help you avoid falling into a negative mindset during difficult times.

Lean on Family and Friends. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need. Most people genuinely want to help but may not know how. One way friends supported me was to consistently call or text me on holidays and birthdays, just to say they are thinking of me. This is a great suggestion you can give to someone who is looking for a way to help. Then you won’t feel so alone on those days that are extra hard to get through.

You might be struggling with exhaustion and lack of motivation after a loss, and mundane tasks around the house might seem overwhelming. Perhaps a family member can come over once a week to help out with the laundry or cooking until you are better able to function again.

Find Grief Support. You might find a neighbor, co-worker or friend that has recently experienced a loss and you can connect with them in a way others can’t. Checking in with that person on a regular basis can be a great source of support.

Individual counseling is a good option to consider, and most communities offer grief support groups through churches and hospice organizations. There are also online support groups and chat rooms for others dealing with a similar loss.

Avoid Additional Stress. When you are already under a great deal of stress after a loss, you may need to cut out anything that is causing additional stress.  Something as simple as watching the news can cause anxiety, especially since the news media has become permeated with negativity. You can avoid all the hype and stay informed by just reading the top stories online.

Another area that may be difficult while you are grieving is attending social events. Give yourself permission to decline invitations for as long as you need to. Small talk can seem trivial, and your thoughts may not be clear enough to engage in meaningful conversation. You will know when you are strong enough to participate again.

Get Back to Nature. When you are grieving, it may feel safer to stay cooped up at home; going anywhere can seem overwhelming. Try to make an effort to get outside once a day, even if it’s just in your yard. The fresh air can lift your spirits, and it’s harder to feel down when you are outside in the sunshine or looking at a beautiful sunset.

Over time, you will find additional ways to deal with your grief in a positive way. Of course you will have days when you are overwhelmed with negative thoughts and emotions. Hopefully, though, over time those days will come around less frequently.

We all make plans for our future, and hope that our plans come to fruition. While there is nothing wrong with planning, we cannot control every aspect of our future. Sometimes we are blindsided by a loss that seems to come from nowhere. After such a loss, it is so hard to make sense of it; how could there be a purpose or reason that our loved one is gone?

Part of the grief process is working toward accepting what has happened. While we may never fully understand the reasons or the timing, we can grow to accept that the Lord can work in and through our grief and loss to accomplish His purposes.

Many people who have lost a loved one discover that anniversaries, birthdays and holidays can be triggers for grief. I have found this to be very true as we have tried to navigate through life without our daughter. Special dates on the calendar often fill me with dread and intensify my emotional turmoil; her absence is all the more noticeable on those days.

What I wasn’t prepared for was the unexpected triggers. I was caught off guard by the overwhelming emotion that can accompany simple reminders of Kayln. I found myself crying in the grocery store where we always shopped with her – I felt silly but I couldn’t help it. One day I glanced out the window and saw a car go by that looked like hers, and I actually thought it was her driving by for a moment. Then of course I realized it couldn’t be her, and that painful reality hit me all over again.

Now I know that it is normal to experience these triggers. The next time I catch a glimpse of a young blonde girl and momentarily think it is her, I will know that I am not going crazy. I understand now that it is simply a natural response to a reminder of my daughter, and a common reality of the grief experience.