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Reflections on Loss

April 29, 2018
by Tricia Osterholm
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The Promise of Heaven

Revelation quote

I am reflecting on the promise of heaven more than ever before. In this life, we all experience heartache, and while we are on this earth we must live with painful memories. But once we cross over to heaven, we can be free of them forever. All of the pain will be erased, forgotten.

I try to focus on this when I think of the struggles my daughter faced. When I am filled with sorrow over the pain she endured, I remind myself that she is completely free of it all! The moment we step into heaven, we leave our earthly sorrow behind. What freedom – to have that pain wiped away in a moment. What joy awaits us!

 

March 13, 2018
by Tricia Osterholm
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Forever Changed

Three years ago today we lost Kayln. You would think that after three years I would be used to the fact that she is gone, but I am not. I don’t know that I ever will be, completely. How do you get used to your child being gone? Or accept that you will have to grow old without her? It doesn’t seem right to refer to her in the past tense, because she is still my daughter, she is still important to me, and she is still on my mind every day.

I wish I could change what happened, but I can’t. A rare disease took her suddenly, and those who knew her and loved her were in shock. She was a vibrant, unique and wonderful soul. She was beautiful inside and out, with a soft spot for anyone who was going through a hard time. In her short time here, she had a profound effect on so many people. I am forever changed by the loss of my daughter, but in the midst of the struggle I am grateful to know that her life and her story will live on through each of us.

Third Anniversary photo

February 26, 2018
by Tricia Osterholm
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Finding Simplicity

Time for Tea
Lately I have been working towards simplifying my life by getting rid of unnecessary things. Now it is just the two of us left in this house and we find ourselves a bit overwhelmed by all of the stuff we have accumulated over 27 years.

While our son is away at college we are storing all of his possessions. We also have a dilema; we are not yet able to deal with all of our daughter’s things, even though it has been almost three years since she passed away. All of that said, my husband and I still have plenty of our own possessions to sort through and clean out!

It is not a quick process. We have been going through the house room by room, cleaning out closets, cabinets and going through storage bins. We have found papers and items we haven’t looked at in 20 years! It is amazing how freeing it is to let go of things we don’t need.

Working towards simplicity requires time and effort, and the verse that helps inspire me during this process is “God is not a God of confusion but a God of peace” (I Corinthians 14:33). I think that too much clutter gets in the way of a peaceful existence, and it is well worth the effort to eliminate things that are cluttering up our lives.

December 30, 2017
by Tricia Osterholm
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Let Peace In

Peaceful scene
This holiday season, I found myself searching for peace, wondering if it was obtainable for me. While my personal challenge is the loss of my daughter, others may be struggling with hectic schedules, tight budgets, family problems, and health issues. These circumstances can overwhelm us and steal our peace.

I have discovered that peace is not something that I can create on my own, but instead is found when I allow the Lord to direct my path. Colossians 3:15 encourages us to “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts.” From this verse, I realize that I have to let Him in; I must actively seek him out.

Through this search he has taught me to be present in the moment, to focus on the here and now. I can set aside time later to reflect on my feelings of loss, but if I am not careful I will miss the beauty of this moment. I must cherish the time spent with my loved ones.

This practice takes effort, and I find myself having to pull my thoughts back from the past or from the thoughts of what could have been. I try to notice each person around me, and reflect on why they are special to me.

Finding peace during the holidays can be challenging for many reasons. Whatever struggles you are facing, I hope that you will let the peace of Christ into your life, at this moment, and in the year ahead.

November 28, 2017
by Tricia Osterholm
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Changed By Loss

The pain of losing a loved one can often be intensified by the unexpected consequences of grief, such as an inability to focus, lack of motivation, and lost sense of purpose. These characteristics of grief often make life difficult in terms of job success, ability to cope with stress, or to manage responsibilities like you used to. It is common to experience lack of interest in activities you used to enjoy. Socializing may also seem difficult, and you might lose touch with friends.

For all of these reasons, it can be difficult to rebuild your life after a significant loss. Take some time to acknowledge how you have changed, and re-evaluate what is important to you now. While it may be distressing that you can’t go back to the person you used to be, you can work towards new goals and discover new interests.

At first it may seem like you are wandering in the wilderness with no direction, but trust that with effort you can move forward. Try to rely on God, who can provide direction. In Isaiah 43:19, He says that “I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” He can make a way for you in your life as you recover from grief and loss.
Desert stream Image

November 1, 2017
by Tricia Osterholm
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Encourage One Another

Bible Verse

Is there someone you know who has recently lost a loved one and is in need of encouragement? If you are hesitant to reach out because you are afraid of saying the wrong thing, I want to reassure you that an awkward attempt to offer comfort is better than silence. If you don’t know what to say, then just say something simple like “I am sorry you are hurting, and I am here for you”. Even a brief message, such as “thinking of you today” can lift their spirits.

Take the time to reach out, extend hope and build up your friend. Your effort will help reassure the grieving person that their loved one is not forgotten, their pain is not forgotten, and they are not alone. Your support will be a blessing.

October 16, 2017
by Tricia Osterholm
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Our Source of Comfort

Comfort
In times of turmoil, we long to be comforted yet often feel alone in our struggle. There is only one who can truly comfort us, the God who knows us better than we know ourselves. He provides refuge to our troubled hearts, offering strong shelter during times of grief, doubt and fear. We can rely on His strength to carry us through the difficult days; He is the one who will never fail us.

October 2, 2017
by Tricia Osterholm
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October is AVM Awareness Month

AVM Awareness
The first time I ever heard of an AVM was the day our daughter, Kayln, ended up in the ICU. The neurologist explained that an arteriovenous malformation (AVM) is a complex tangle of abnormal arteries and veins, and that the AVM in her brain had ruptured. We were heartbroken as we realized that it was too late to help her. Kayln had suffered from many health problems but the cause went undiscovered, as often happens with rare diseases. In the U.S., only 18 in 100,000 people are affected, so a lack of awareness means that AVMs often go undiagnosed. We want to help increase awareness so that others do not experience this, because she was not just a statistic, she was my daughter. I miss her every day.

Kayln Pic

September 23, 2017
by Tricia Osterholm
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Getting My Heart and Mind in Tune with God

Hudson Taylor quote
This is the most persuasive argument I have come across for starting the day with bible study and prayer. Oftentimes a challenge of grief is a lack of motivation or feeling unable to face the day at all. But if I line up my thoughts with scripture I can start off with a better frame of mind.
Another challenge of grief is an inability to focus and concentrate, making reading the bible difficult. One tool that has helped me is listening to the audio bible on my YouVersion Bible App. This enables me to better comprehend the passage.

The more time I dedicate to reading and prayer the better off I will be, but any time is better than none at all. Starting the morning this way helps me to remember that I don’t have to rely on my own strength to get through the day.