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Reflections on Loss

March 13, 2022
by Tricia Osterholm
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Longing to see you again

I am having trouble grasping that seven years have gone by since my daughter passed. When we first lost her, every single day seemed impossible to get through. Unbearable, really. The enormity of our loss was overwhelming. It has been such a long road trying to come to terms with losing her. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss her, and think of her and wish she were here. I don’t imagine that will change, no matter how many years go by. I take comfort in knowing that the peace and joy of heaven far surpass our experiences on earth. Missing you so much, Kayln, and I long to see you again one day.

February 28, 2022
by Tricia Osterholm
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Bringing Awareness to Rare Diseases

Rare Disease Day is February 28, dedicated to raising awareness of rare diseases and advancing research for these diseases. Fewer than 5% of rare diseases have a treatment approved by the FDA. That is a troubling statistic! This topic is so important to me, since we lost our daughter to a rare disease almost 7 years ago. All too often people with rare diseases and unable to get a diagnosis. This was the case with our daughter; despite seeing numerous medical professionals, no one was able to give her a diagnosis to explain her health problems. She died at age 20 without knowing the cause of her deteriorating health. Through awareness I hope that others will not have to go through what our daughter and our family experienced.

December 31, 2021
by Tricia Osterholm
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Wisdom for the new year

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:12)

As the new year approaches, I have set aside some time to reflect on the year ahead. This verse has given me a starting point, a framework to focus on what is truly important. Rather than making a list of resolutions, I want to re-evaluate my habits, my focus, my purpose. I must ask myself what do I need to give up in order to more closely follow after God? How can I better serve my family, my church and others around me? If I continue to be mindful the urgency of using the time I have wisely, I pray that I will indeed gain a heart of wisdom.

November 13, 2021
by Tricia Osterholm
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Comforting Others

Sharing my daughter’s story and my experience of losing her is very important to me. Parents who have lost a child often feel very alone, like no one understands what they are going through. There are commonalities with all types of losses, but the loss of a child has its’ own devastating components. By sharing my loss, I hope to offer encouragement to parents who are dealing with their grief.

One such challenge for those who have lost a child is how to answer the question “Do you have any children?” It’s an innocent question, often asked when you are just getting to know someone. I have struggled with that question and finally came to the conclusion that I must mention losing my daughter. I feel that I have to acknowledge her; I cannot leave her out as though she never existed. This may make some people feel uncomfortable, but it is the only acceptable option for me.

Just recently, my husband and I met a lady who asked this question. I gave her my prepared answer, “we have a son who is 25, and we lost our daughter 6 years ago.”  She then shared about losing her nephew. I mentioned how we had been helped by the GriefShare program. It turns out she is a counselor, and hadn’t heard of GriefShare. I explained that on https://www.griefshare.org/  you can type in the zip code to find a list of churches and organizations in the area offering the program.

She thanked us for sharing, and said she had someone in mind that would benefit from the program. Just mentioning my daughter brought about the opportunity to provide a resource for a grieving person. I feel that by sharing openly about our loss, we will encounter others who might be in need of talking about their own loss.

 “He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us”. 2 Corinthians 1:4 (NLT)

September 3, 2021
by Tricia Osterholm
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Birthday Thoughts

Kayln would be turning 27 today. I miss her so much! In the week leading up to this day I have experienced a roller coaster of emotions; everything got stirred up as the day approached. She has even appeared in my dreams. Then I wake up and she is not here. I never could have imagined that we would only have 20 years together.

My dear daughter, how I wish I could hear your laugh again or see you smile. I can only imagine what you would be doing now. You are loved and we hold you close in our hearts.

July 31, 2021
by Tricia Osterholm
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Our Source of Peace

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,

will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:7

We live in troubled times, and it’s hard to be at peace amidst all the chaos around us. When we are faced with all this uncertainty, there is one truth we can cling to: we are promised peace that transcends all understanding. God offers us peace, regardless of what is happening in the world and in our own lives. I am thankful for that peace; without it I would not have made it through the challenges of loss and grief. I can count on the peace that God offers no matter the circumstances.

March 13, 2021
by Tricia Osterholm
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Reflections on this day

Today is the sixth anniversary of my daughter’s passing. It is so hard to believe. She would be 26 now, and I can only wish she was living the life I had hoped for her. Just as I never imagined losing Kayln, I could never have imagined what we would be dealing with this past year.

In March of 2020, like so many people, my husband and I started working from home. A couple of weeks later, my husband was feeling ill, and went to the emergency room. It’s a good thing he went because they discovered that his kidneys were close to shutting down! We didn’t know it at the time but it was just the beginning of his Covid journey. On his second trip to the ER, they took a chest x-ray and discovered his lungs were filled with Covid. Not the news we wanted to hear. He became one of those “Long Covid” patients; over six months he experienced a wide range of symptoms such as out of control blood pressure, heart palpitations, swollen joints, and exhaustion. On a follow up visit they discovered he had developed a blood clot. Thankfully with medication and rest he is finally close to a full recovery.

Before all of this happened, our son and daughter in law had been living in Seattle, where Covid first broke out. They decided to leave Seattle and stay with us. Ironically, they ended up getting exposed to Covid in our house! Fortunately, they both had mild symptoms for just a few days.

With the new Covid rules, I was not allowed to be with my husband at the hospital. My heart breaks for all those who have lost loved ones from Covid, made all the more difficult because they could not visit them, sit by their side, hold their hand and provide comfort at the hospital. As I reflect on the my daughter’s passing, I realize how much harder it would have been if we had been blocked from sitting with her in the ICU. Though the memory of that time is very painful, I am grateful that we were able to be present with her.

This last year was another reminder of how unpredictable life is. I am more mindful than ever of how important it is to treasure our loved ones and make the most of the time we have with them. Kayln, we miss you every day and cherish our memories of you.