After losing a loved one, it is common to feel responsible, even when you know that their death was completely out of your control. Even seven years later, I find myself questioning what I could have done to prevent my daughter’s death. It’s easy to spiral into a maze of self doubt and self blame; I should have done more, I should have known, what if I had tried harder to discover what was wrong with her.

I have to work hard to pull myself out of this destructive pattern. I remind myself that her condition was very rare. A brain AVM is only found in 1% of the population. Even if we had known what it was, it would not have been treatable. Though I know these facts, when emotions take over the facts don’t matter.

Finding peace after a tragic loss takes time and effort. Blaming myself is not the way to peace. It also does nor honor Kayln’s life. So I try to accept what I cannot change, and instead treasure the memories of my daughter.