I wish I felt free to talk to others about my daughter – what she was like, what my best memories of her are. I am uncertain how people would react to that though, so I end up talking about Kayln with just a few people. When I do talk about her, I may talk about the same things over and over, because that is all I have. It is painful to realize that I can’t make new memories with her. That makes it more important than ever to hold on to the good memories.

Even though it has been over five years since my daughter died, I miss her every day. I still encounter moments of deep sorrow welling up inside and I have to let the tears out. It often takes me by surprise, and sometimes I don’t even know what the trigger was. Normally I am not much of a crier. In fact, one of my co-workers said I was stoic. It’s really a misconception, though; learning to control the painful emotions has been a long, hard struggle. You really can’t tell what a person is going through on the inside by looking at the face they present to the outside world.