As I have walked through the grief process, my expectations for healing and recovery have changed over time. In the beginning I imagined that being healed from grief meant I would one day be free from the pain. After all, if grief is considered a process, doesn’t that imply that there is a beginning, middle and end to grief?

In reality, my experience with grief has been much more complicated. Losing our daughter so suddenly left us in a state of shock for several months. During that time, all of the emotions I thought I would feel were overshadowed by emptiness – a vast and unending emptiness. As the shock gradually wore off and the reality of her absence set in, we were really just beginning to work through the pain.

Life will never be the same without Kayln, and missing her is part of my new reality. Instead of looking to put the pain behind me, though, I am learning to be at peace even in the midst of pain. I am working to discover what my new normal will be as I continue on this path toward healing.