One aspect of grief that I did not expect was the occurrence of intense dreams and nightmares after losing our daughter.  For the first year after Kayln passed away, I had many nightmares, as a result of processing the trauma surrounding her death.  I also experienced a night terror;  I woke up in extreme fear, and my heart was racing. I could not remember the nightmare at all, but the feeling of terror gripped me for over an hour.

In the second year, I experienced fewer nightmares, and more good dreams. The hard part about good dreams is that Kayln would appear as though she had never left, but when I woke up, I remembered that she was gone. It felt like I was losing her all over again.

Dreams, both good and bad, can profoundly affect me. The troubling feelings linger throughout the day and are hard to shake.  I have learned to deal with these dreams and nightmares by writing about them in my journal, and by talking about them with my family. As my heart and mind continue to cope with missing Kayln, I find that sometimes the dreams are comforting. It’s as if the clouds part and I can see her again, if only for a moment.