Today marks two years since Kayln died. Anniversaries stir up painful memories, and the trauma of that day comes rushing back. Knowing that she is in Heaven is a great comfort, and we are thankful we have that reassurance. But the reality of not having her here with us is very painful, and that pain will never fully go away.  I still have days when I wake up and I can’t believe she is gone.

Ever since she was a little girl, I imagined her getting married one day, and how special her wedding would be. She would have children of her own, and we would have many more holidays and birthdays to spend together. These expectations were crushed in an instant; the future I imagined was suddenly torn from the pages of my life.

I miss her stunning smile, her laugh, her unique personality. I loved her boldness- she wasn’t afraid to say what she thought. I miss her compassionate heart. She was always wanting to comfort someone going through hard times, even when she was struggling herself.

The brain AVM took her from us, and it was the source of her physical ailments and increasing mental confusion. She dealt with the frustration of knowing something was wrong but never knowing the source. Yet in the last two months before she died she was more at peace. The day before she died, she told her dad that she wasn’t afraid to die, and said she knew she was going to heaven. We call that a miracle moment, a gift to carry us through the hard times.

We have been blessed by support from our friends and family, and we are thankful. We also have a grief support group that has helped us on this grief journey, and we have each other. Kayln would not want us to be stuck in grief.  Thinking of her inspires us to make the most of the time we have, and to treasure the people in our lives.