I was reading through one of my daughter’s journals, since it is the anniversary of her passing. Today marks eight years that Kayln has been gone. I thought if I read her words I might feel closer to her. This was written when she was around 17, about 3 years before she passed. Though she had no idea what was wrong with her, she somehow knew her time was short:

“Even though the time is near, don’t give up, Jesus never gave up, he praised God until he died, so I should do the same. I feel like my life is already over and I have no time for anything so I don’t know what to do with the time that is left. I guess God will show me what to do”.

The second section was a prayer:

“I’m happy you love me, I hope I can learn to love you the way you do, thank you for the place you made, let me remember we are only in a waiting place now, and every person here matters & to be a good influence on them, and not be afraid of going to heaven.”

It is heartbreaking to read her words, because her time was truly short on this earth, just 20 years. She had an un-diagnosed brain AVM that was destroying her health. No one knows how much time they will have, of course. We just thought we would have so much more time with her. I do find comfort that she wrote about this being a waiting place and that she was not afraid to go to heaven. I know I will see her again one day.