While I have been working through the grief of losing my daughter, I have learned to change my outlook on what to expect from other people. Over time, I realized that no person can make this better, not even those closest to me.  Nothing anyone can say or do will take away the pain of this loss. If I am expecting great comfort from a person, I will be disappointed again and again- not because they are at fault, but because it is not anyone’s job to make this better. I can’t expect people to do what only God is able to accomplish.

The majority of people we encountered after Kayln passed offered sincere words of kindness, such as “I am so sorry for your loss”, or “I can’t imagine what you are going through”. Others were unable to say anything at all. I think the majority of people are uncomfortable dealing with death, and are unsure what to say to someone experiencing a loss; words can seem so inadequate.

The only way to truly grasp the depth of grief is to experience it, and I have encountered people whose understanding of grief is evident. They have asked questions that other people do not ask, which has led to discussions of the deeper issues of grief.  These are the people who said “it’s only been a year, that’s not very long,” as opposed to those who assume that once that first year is up everything goes back to normal. The truth is, there is no going back to the way I was before I lost Kayln.  This loss has forever changed me.

When I came to understand that only God can help me with this pain, it released me from expecting anything at all from people. Unrealistic expectations only set me up for disappointment and frustration.  I can be more at peace when I place the burden of comfort onto my Lord and Savior alone.  He holds the title of Wonderful Counselor (Isaiah 9:6), and He wants me to turn to Him for healing.